What's the point?

She was lying there on her flat tummy with her head turned away and, maybe, even her eyes closed. Her bare bony shoulder peeked from in between the sheets while her jet black hair was strewn carelessly on her back, maybe even hiding her face. The faint morning sun was fighting with the light-green drapes to get in and expose last night’s recklessness. He woke up to this scene with a frail recollection of reality and a reluctance to accept it. A broken smile.

 She moved the minute his head made a rustle against the pillow. Light sleeper. Yes. And turned her head towards him while the hair still covered her face. Her slender fingers reached out from under the sheets to give her a clearer picture of him and parted her hair from her face. She saw the smile. Amused she asked, “What? Was I snoring?”

“Nope! Purring rather”, he replied as he approached to catch her waist and pulled her closer to himself. “Hey look!” she said softly, “Don’t get me wrong but, I need to leave now.” She slowly moved his hand away from her waist and pulled herself up and sat crouching on the bed like she was praying. The sheet was shrouding her slender figure and he could notice her breathing deeply. The smile slowly faded and reality started setting in. She carefully crawled out of the bed to get her clothes and started dressing up. Not once did she look him in the eye while he was lying there on the bed staring straight at her. Now on his back with his arms folded behind his head, he was carefully observing her while she got dressed. Not even a glance his way. There was no hurry in her demeanour and she took her time to wear her jeans and t-shirt that she usually slips into like a Russian magician quick-changes her dresses.

“So, what time’s your flight?” he asked, to force her to break that uneasy silence. “Hmmm? Oh it’s in the afternoon” she said, “But I need to get home and make sure that I have everything packed and ready.” “Do you need help?” he asked. He knew what the answer was going to be, but he was a sucker for a better reply. “Nope. I’m good!” and she finally looked at him and smiled. “You can enjoy the rest of your day. You don’t have to waste it around me. I can manage.” Somehow her words and her eyes just never spoke the same things. He had noticed this too many times before and how that smile was used to mask the dissonance. She reached for her bag, took a final look in the mirror and was probably going to say bye.

“Hey why don’t we go for a quick breakfast and then you can come back home. I’m famished. Care to give me company?” she said instead. The smile was back on his face beaming brighter than the sun. “Of course. I’m hungry too and I could kill for some pancakes” he said jumping up in his bed. “Our last breakfast together. Let's make you some breakfast.”

“Pancakes sound decent” she said with a smile that brought a sparkle to her eyes. He was out of bed even before she completed her sentence. He made the breakfast while she lent a hand with a few things that he let her help with. He hated people invading his cooking space but that was not important now. It was a perfect breakfast of pancakes, apples and some coffee with the regular banter on the side. Not once did last night appear in the conversation, though it was constantly on their minds. The regular nonsense was just to distract from last night. There was desperation to fill in the awkward silences. No one wanted to discuss last night or maybe that’s all that they wanted to talk about.

They finished their meals and washed the dishes together. Soon it was time for her to leave. "Could there be more reasons for her to stay?" both of them thought. The moment they reached the door, she turned and hugged him tight. “It was awesome” she whispered to him and he could almost hear her smile in his ear. “Yes, it was” he said. She looked at him and beamed... and slowly let go of him. She opened the door, gave him one final glance and said her final goodbye as she walked out on the pavement.  When she turned back one last time, both waved at each other. He took his time to close the door behind her while she walked away. She trotted down the quiet lane, kicked a stone lying on the ground out of her way and continued walking to her house.

Mademoiselle

All I could think about was how to survive the week while I lugged my tired body back from work. Scrunched between two burly ladies with my face nearly shoved into the belly of another jelly being, I could not have been the cheerful self that I’m famous for. There was no way any happy thought could have managed to pursue its way through those sandwiched bodies inside the tiny metro compartment. The noises were loud. The smells were musty. Happy thoughts do not venture in such regions. They avoid and disappear. Poof! Did someone just fart near me or was that the last bit of happy thought leaving my aura?

I sat on my seat and waited to reach somewhere; talked to myself and almost started an argument. My head hung low and my conscience tried to focus on the music that was playing in my earphones. It would have taken more than a ‘nuclear fusion gone wrong’ for me to lift my head and look anywhere other than the train floor. Not that the train floor had the best view at that moment. There was a dried orange peel, a toffee wrapper and some ugly feet that kept me occupied for a while. But something managed to pull my attention and made me look up. I took a last look at the hundreds of faces that occupied the metro compartment. Each face had a story to tell, but I was hardly interested in listening. Breezing across the countless faces, my eyes stopped at one.

I must have imagined a huge Buddhist gong go ‘Bong!’ in my head at that very moment. Time stopped. Smells disappeared. The music in my ears faded into a vacuum. There stood in all her glory a woman so attractive that she hardly felt human. Short hair, bony face, round deeply set doe-like eyes and the perfect lips. There was no smile on this face but it promised happiness. Those high cheekbones were capable of carrying a winsome smile to those twinkly black eyes. I had never seen her smile before and yet I could feel my heart skip a beat when I pictured her breaking into one.

My eyes slowly trailed down to her neck. Slender and long that disappeared into a possibly beautiful collar-bone which was irritatingly hidden by the collar of her shirt. She was so lost in her book while her short hair flirted with her face. That’s when I almost smiled at her beautiful fingers that were trying to tame her hair. I also noticed the shiny silver ring she wore on her finger. That’s when I took a break from gawking at her. Took a quick glance at my own hands and played a little with my silver ring. The train floor suddenly seemed so boring.

She was so thin yet so strong. She had broad shoulders that framed her bust. There was a sense of accomplishment in that face - a confidence that could not have been acquired at birth. She had earned it. She had earned that attitude and that peace with which she stood against a pole and read a book in the middle of chaos. She was not the kind who would use the fact of being a woman as an excuse. She exploited it. She suddenly looked up and my heart skipped a beat again - this time with the fear of getting caught staring at her.

I heard the train announce my station name and something sunk inside me. The moment was about to pass. I had to leave this perfect moment and go back to my world of lesser adventure. I didn’t even get time to find out what her name was. She didn't know me. Time was running out and I forced myself to get up from my seat. The moment before this, my being didn't even care to be recognized. I never wanted to exist; I just wanted to be present. As I ruffled a few feathers around me and got up from my seat, something travelled across those million faces and brushed against that beautiful face. She looked at me. She kept looking and didn't even blink. We maintained eye contact for what seemed like a lifetime and I almost felt naked at that moment. Did she know? Was she aware the whole time? It couldn't possibly be. I started walking towards the door and took one last glance at her. The object of my admiration was still staring at me! Had the roles suddenly reversed? I may have unintentionally slipped her a smile because I almost saw her break into one. But before I could ravish myself in her smile, the crowd pushed me out of the door and I was left standing on the platform in no time. I struggled to look back through the window to catch a last glimpse of what could have been. But she disappeared within seconds as the train started to move.

I stood there on the platform trying to compose myself and prepared to walk out of the station. This time my heart was heavier than before. It was like losing a part of me that was good. A part of me that was promising. A part that screamed out happiness. A part that was gone! As I reached the exit of the metro station, my lover received me with a hug and a kiss on my cheek. I managed to give a faint smile when he said, “My my! Don’t you look pretty today! I wouldn't mind waiting a lifetime for a girl like you.” We walked away together in silence with his eyes constantly on me; adoring me the same way, like I did a few minutes back in that little compartment of pure bliss.

'Coz I'm Angry

Every hand that pushes you

Can be chopped off. You can.

Every tongue that swears at you

Can be sliced off. ‘Coz you can.

Every eye that strips you

Can be scooped out. You know you can.

 Every mind that hurts you

Can be turned unsound. You very well can.

It’s not a pity when you don’t.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of if you don’t.

Your silence is not weakness.

You don’t ‘coz you’re a woman.

You don’t ‘Coz you’re a lot better!