Allow me to vaporize

De la nada sale el todo, y el todo se hace nada.

I believe souls don’t understand death the way bodies do. Souls don’t understand pain like bodies do either. Probably a sharp object penetrating the flesh feels like a twitch in the eye to the soul. Pain needs to pierce deeper than the flesh to leave an imprint on the soul. Way deeper into a vortex which is maybe located somewhere behind that rib cage. I don’t think it has anything to do with flesh, or muscle or veins. Not even blood. The soul goes deeper than those… somewhere in between the molecules. I believe the soul is ether and death goes beyond matter for it to feel its presence or lack of it. 

I believe the body dies once while the soul dies a million times over and over again in every life. I might be terribly wrong here. Maybe the soul dies a lot more than a million times in each life, but I’m sure it does. It’s definitely not inconsolable because it is etheric and one cannot expect ether to be heavy with sorrow or suffering or any similar dense substitute. It’s waiting for the body to release it back to where it came from till it gets portioned into numerous other bodies. No wonder so much in each of us is similar and yet so much is different. Probably you and I have been caged in a common body before… before we parted and became others. Maybe a part of me is trapped in these words that you are reading while the other one-sixteenth is reading it on her iPhone in some vague location and wondering if she should go get some lunch. We are not so different - you and I. 

I want to believe that the ether that I send out into the universe (once this body disintegrates) will carry with it the imprints of all the deaths that this body put it through; and parts of which will become a fragment of another body with a fraction of deaths from someone else. Probably we are all a culmination of deaths and imprints that added more spirit to it all. We are all fractions yet whole. Maybe that’s the reason behind emotions. The countless sentiments, intuitions and the overwhelming sense of fear or happiness are just those chemical reactions when the ether is exposed to a reparation or compensating fraction… wanting to be whole or to balance itself out. I want to believe that the only thing stopping it is the body which effervesces with these reactions because it needs to live and not disintegrate. The body needs the ether and cannot let it go.

The body is just the cage.

(Inspired by Haruki Murakami’s New York Mining Disaster - Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman)

The Road to Nowhere

De La Nada Sale El Todo, Y El Todo Se Hace Nada.

It’s a whirlwind of thoughts that lands me in a granny knot. Every rampant idea being born out of the previous one sends my brain into an uncontrollable loop. All started by a simple effort towards letting go of the past conditioning of my mind. How does one ‘Let Go’? But before that, what does ‘Letting Go’ mean? Can I really erase my memory? Only a human brain is capable of relating time to a third party unlike animals who can only relate time to themselves. Hence, the curse or boon of the human brain to wonder, speculate and apply knowledge to goals way into the future. A future that may or may not be. One can always predict the future that will or will not change. Another super trait that the human brain possesses. As I write this piece that may or may not be read, my future is changing or shaping into something that I am truly aware of yet oblivious to.

Does my past have anything to do with my future? This piece that I am writing may have an iota of contribution to how I will think after I am finished writing it. I may or may not hit any solid conclusion or finding. But it is also conditioning my brain to think in a particular way. I may not be able to think outside a certain idea that I will finish forming after writing this article. A box of thoughts shaped out of some knowledge that I may have gained in my past is restricting the way I am thinking. I can question it. Put it to test. I can doubt the very existence of this box. A box that may not exist but manages to influence the way I think. The whys and hows will never end because that’s how my brain functions. That’s how 'ANY' human brain functions. A fact which is some information that I may have learnt in the past. The habit of questioning. Many say questioning is good. But what if it's a form of conditioning that my brain has undergone? What if there are no answers? It’s a scary thought. No answers. Makes every effort look futile. Probably knowledge will never lead you to an answer. Probably it’s just diverting you from the fact that there is no answer. Could that be the ultimate truth? I guess I’ll just have to wait till the book ends. Wait and watch. Wait and observe. Just wait.