Coco's a Nut

I really wouldn’t mind if the world calls me a pessimist. Seems like everything in this world needs a label to be understood. So go ahead label me too! What do I care? This world’s a real funny place. As if nature wasn’t crazy enough, humans added their own level of craziness just to make things simpler. And guess what? They just got even more complicated. If some one asked me what I thought about God, I’d say I find it hard to believe that he’s a good person. And all those retards with their annoyingly blind faith that God loves us all, are going to be very disappointed once they are dead. Trust me, if God were a good person, he wouldn’t have created coconuts! I would just say he is a sadistic psychopath. Why would any one in their sane mind create a fruit with such a hard shell? Maybe he didn’t want humans to enjoy it in the first place. I mean… a spherical rock hanging from a tree so tall is the last place where any one would look for water.

And why on earth would any one create mosquitoes? I hardly find them to any good use. And we still have some losers who go about chanting praises about the Oh! So lovely creations by the almighty! These guys need a strong whack on their head to wake them up. Their relentless optimism and belief that the world is a great place to be born in is just utterly disappointing.

Coming back to the coconuts, it’s a very difficult fruit I must say. Changes colours. Has an irritatingly thick jacket of fibre that keeps you away from the water. And the quantity of the fruit inside is just “Disappointing”. It’s like opening a ‘Kinder’ surprise. You have to eat the disgusting paper thin layer of chocolate just to get to the toy in which you would lose interest in a matter of minutes. Out of all the ‘Kinder’ surprises I’ve had in my life, not one gave me a full utility! So where was I...? Ah! coconuts. By now you might be wondering why the hate towards a harmless coconut. Some might even jump to a conclusion (given into consideration my Anti Malayali theories) that it’s just a part of the whole Mallu hatred agenda. Be it any reason, I still hate coconuts. I do enjoy a drink of coconut water every once in a while. But the gods of coconut creation will have to think of a bigger bribe to make me start liking this particularly stupid fruit. Starting from the tree itself, it is ridiculously tall. Can’t provide a decent shade and you can never trust standing under a tree so tall especially when the wind blows. Who knows, the coconut tree gods might just get angry at you for some inexplicable reason and drop a few coconuts on your unsuspecting head! And then all you will do is curse yourself for aimlessly standing there under a tree that doesn’t even give shade, just to be knocked out by the furry cannon balls. Maybe somewhere down, humans do realize that it’s just a joke that God played on them and that’s the reason they go about bursting coconuts at temples. One can totally relate to the anguish that a person feels when bursting those coconuts at God’s feet. It’s like a symbolic expression of showing one’s anger towards all creations of the “Almighty”. Probably man was too scared of swearing at him. You never know. One might just experience coconuts raining from the sky if God figured out why actually we go about bursting coconuts at his place. And since it’s so hard to reach to the fruit inside, humans go about celebrating the meat by using it possibly everywhere! That’s one reason why I don’t even trust south Indian preparations. Trust me everything has coconut in it. A reason why I’m not such a fan of Thai cuisine.

It amazes me how people don’t get bored of the coconut lives they are living. But I refuse to bend before the torture and accept it and worship the fruit like the rest. The Coconut will always remain the stupidest fruit on earth. And for those of you still reading this article, I’m sorry to say this, but you just wasted five very precious minutes of your life reading this useless piece of literature wondering what the fuss was all about.