Why Nuclear Wars Are Not A Threat Anymore

Have you ever wondered about what $4,000 can buy for you? If you’ve already started surfing ‘E-bay’ looking for deals worth that much, please try not clicking on something called “Produce songs that could destroy the world -by ARK Music Factory”. If you’re a mom, please try (I mean P.L.E.A.S.E - TRY) not to over-indulge your kids by offering to sponsor music videos with their kindergarten poetry turned into cacophonic songs. ‘Coz people are dying of their brains being turned into mulch, which might seem culturally enhancing to you but are, in fact, leading us to our graves. You have no right to inflict your numbskull kid’s lack of talent upon us. Why don’t you try teaching whales how to swim instead? And no… you are not spared even if you’re tone deaf!

We don’t stay jobless and waste time on ‘Youtube’ to watch your hormonal teenager’s pumpkin face, chanting the days of the week in a monotonous pikachu voice. Yes, we stay jobless and waste our time otherwise, but you can’t deceive us into watching shit. What do we expect next - A song on the names of months and how your daughter got her first periods? Is that all that your irritating little cake-faced imp can sing about? Sorry. Did I say sing? I find mosquitoes humming in my ear better. God forbid, if she were born in the 1700’s, your whole family would have been stoned to death or burnt at stake for the anti-musical genius’ ability of making dead musicians turn in their graves. I suspect you practiced inbreeding. There is no other way one could give birth to such fuck tards. If this sounds hurtful to you, good! Since there is no other way poor souls can raise their voices against such poor taste in… well, everything!

Note: If you're still puzzled about what's driven me towards this, please check REBECCA BLACK'S FRIDAY on Youtube. Hope you survive.

Polaris and the Nightingale

The nightingale was born yesterday

with its eyes fixed on the heavens.

The Polaris knew nothing about the new born,

just blinked into the oblivion.

It heard no sound - earthly or cosmic.

No winds or thunderclaps.

While the darkness surrounded him,

the pressure inside wouldn’t let it collapse.

Our lonely star had lived a long life

Space was his only comrade.

He was the one with directions

What earthling could come to his aide?

With only specks for a view

Brilliance could be blinding to hang on

Everything was a mere speck.

An atom. Too small to waste time on.

The new born grew up beaming at its brilliance.

Flitting from tree to tree

Flaunting its brown overalls

With a red tail so charming, even the trees would agree.

Whistling, trilling and gurgling through the day

Waiting for the night to come

when the distant companion would shine again,

and the quiet reigned over the diurnal bedlam.

The night songstress had seen less,

Tall trees protected her grail.

While she sang out earthly stories to her phoenix friend.

On high octaves and higher scales.

Content with his twinkling along,

But he neither heard nor saw who sang.

The nightingale sang all day and night.

Sleep would just waste her time.

And she gave up on sleep to sing

through the few days she could stay alive.

Now the nightingale lays buried in earth

No more songs to sing to the sky.

The star still keeps twinkling away

While the trees and the winds whisper to flak

“She was a new born alright,

but was named some 1000 yrs back”.

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Jaipur Diaries

A recent trip to Jaipur. 3 school friends with not a care in the world. Tried to capture a smidgen of what can hardly be captured in words or photographs.

Anisha: I don't share my problems, I just sort them out on my own.

Anshuma: I sort out my problems and then share them.

Sankalp: I share all my problems, and none of them gets solved!

Saree Shop Guy: Bataiye madam.... kya dikhaoon?

Anshuma to the Saree Shop Guy: Mujhe Shaadee Chahiye! (talk about Freudian slips:p)

Anisha to Sankalp: You should adopt a chinese kid. They have so many kids I'm sure they can spare one.

Anshuma: Well, ahem, thanks for introducing the lesser known Spare-a-Kid Foundation...!

(pointed out by Ujwal Batra while I was typing this: China has a one child per family policy :))

Sharmaji: Madira-paan sirf do logon ke saath karna chahiye - ek woh dost jo tumhare liye goli bhi kha le, aur ek biwi ke saath! (Tada!)

Anshuma: It helps if they are good looking, but if they are unfortunate looking I can still make it work.

Anisha (pointing at a giant wheel in Chokhi-Dhaani): Oh, lets go to the Windmill :D

Anisha to Anshuma (Sankalp has locked them outside the hotel room): Why is he taking so much time? Maybe he is jerking off...

Anshuma: Oh well, we came, and then he came, and then there was light!

Anisha: Sankalp, you give me a complex.

Sankalp: Really?

Anshuma: er, yeah, of the superiority kind.

Anisha: It's like... Santa's given you a mystery present and you wanna know what it is. Unwrap it! Unwrap it!

Sankalp: Yeah.... i guess. (Suddenly brightening up) Hey! nice work pinkies! :D

Anshuma: It's because I cant get over it and hence I try to replicate it and end up making people hate me.

Sankalp: Wow! That's like the epitome of psychoanalysis.

Anisha: Ghanta!

Sankalp: Do I have fever?

Anshuma (checking S' pulse): I can't feel your pulse.

Sankalp: I knew that I was dead inside.

Anisha to Anshuma: It's so rare to find someone who loves you unconditionally like your boyfriend does. Only dogs can love like that.

Not Even Close

Ok… this one is for all the girls out there. Actually, even for the guys. I was just wondering, what’s the big deal behind most of the beauty procedures that all we girls go through? The monthly hassles of excruciating pain to look like porcelain dolls. Polished like diamonds to sparkle for the next 4 weeks. What if I want to be the diamond in the rough? Most of you would say… who wants that?

Every time I was letting out a muffled yelp when that barbarous woman was coating me with hot wax and religiously pulling out hair right from its roots giving a deaf ear to each scream I let out, I doubted the humane side of this parlour lady. You cannot imagine the ruthlessness that hides behind the warm smile that greets you. I already know that my mom doesn’t have one for making me go through this hell. Especially, when she coolly reads a magazine while I scream in pain. Just to make you guys aware about my threshold of pain, I have two tattoos on my body and I can swear on all that is good in this world that I can get a thousand more of these and not feel as much pain as waxing does!

When I looked up on this, I was shocked that women have been tolerating this ordeal even before the Egyptian Civilizations. Women have not been comfortable with their body for so long! The depiction of female beauty in sculptures, paintings and photographs have falsely led the entire womankind into believing something that doesn’t even exist. The funny part being that most of these sculptures and paintings were the creations of men. And, funny as it may sound, men know only what the women show them. So the vicious circle started by us comes bites us in the ass in the end. Just to clarify, I’m not taking sides here nor am I blaming anyone for what has become. But I’m truly saddened by the current state of affairs and how none of us have tried to break free from the vicious circle.

For the very few who will actually read this post, I’m not telling you to instantly stop all your monthly procedures and start looking like primates who’ve just escaped the prehistoric times. The idea is to just make you aware of how we lie to ourselves every time we look at ourselves in the mirror and prep up those eyes, with false eyelashes, pull and curl our hair so that it listens to you for the rest of the day, punish ourselves for every calorie intake and scorn at ourselves for the flab that stares back at us through those tight fitting clothes. Every time we proceed towards the XXL section with a promise to never visit it again. Every time we browse through the fairness creams and lotions to make us look instantaneously beautiful (like we aren’t already!). Every time we make ourselves go through the pain instead of pampering ourselves to look beautiful inside out.

Even the rose never complained about its thorns. I hope we start appreciating ourselves and the people around us for what is inside than what meets the eye. And in this blog I declare that I will make an honest attempt at breaking out of this vicious circle and doing justice to the real beauty in me.

Cache

Choose what you want to believe

Reality will kiss its lips.

Your love will test your belief

And madness will follow.

Your challenge will be accepted

And the war you will have to fight.

Since your belief is so real

Your darkness will be the light.

We were born aware

As we aged we lost our ways

This life was meant to shun the obvious

I fear we are far from that.

Go drown yourself in reality

When you chose to deny your belief.

All fallacy that you bundled up

What if only half is real?